At Last, The Secret To Mounting Your Dildo Is Revealed!

That’s right — today we’re gonna talk about the perfect method for mounting your dildo onto… something in order to provide a sturdy base.

We all know the suction cups on the bottom of those things are a lie told to us by “Big Dildo.” I shudder to think of all the near death experiences I’ve had while innocently trying to make money in my shower. Ironically, I have no solutions for securing dildo shower mounts. I do, however, have lots of ideas that will save you energy, time and rug/upholstery burns.

Read through these ideas and make them your own. Then you can just ride that D in peace without all the headache of trying to maneuver a lubed up dildo while fucking it.

First, let’s go over some fun dildo facts!

“The 30,000 Year History Of The Dildo” — I’m pretty sure this is a must read. Here’s some things you will learn:

1. The first silicone dildos were created by a Jamaican man named Gosnell Duncan who approached GE — as in, light bulbs and the inventor of silicone — to create this new generation of “marital aids.” God bless you, sir.

2. Not all dildos are created equal. A nasty set of ingredients known as phthalates are toxic and used extensively by sex toy companies because of the soft, flexible properties it brings to the product. You can find it in dildos made with jelly or PVC.

3. Look for body-safe sex toys that are functionally nonporous. Their surfaces are hard, impenetrable and/or hydrophobic and can be sanitized.

These materials are safe for long-term contact with mucous membranes (genitals and rectum) and skin:

1. Silicone (usually platinum-cured)

2. ABS plastic (with or without a PU cote)

3. Certain metals, like stainless steel, aluminum and titanium, when finished properly

4. Glass or stone

Here’s some more on sex toys and materials, both safe (and not so safe).

Erecting your Dildo Mount

Now that we know a bit more about selecting materials, let’s get to the point: erecting your mount! To create a stable, comfortable mount for your toy that is also discreet, we’re going to use Velcro! It’s cheap, easily accessible and comes in a variety of strengths to suit your riding style. Here is a breakdown of all the different strengths available.

Next, after you’ve elected your Velcro strength, you’ll need the appropriate adhesive that’s safe and bonds to the materials your dildo is made out of.

I know Velcro comes ready to stick right out of the package, but that won’t last when applied to your toy or what you’ve chosen to mount your toy onto. In fact, it’s a good idea to get rid of that adhesive altogether. I recommend using regular acetone-based nail polish remover to get as much of the adhesive off the back of your Velcro as possible.

Once you’ve cleaned and prepped your surfaces, use Sil-Poxy adhesive to bond the Velcro to the bottom of your dildo. You should be able to use this to bond the other side of your Velcro to your desired mount.

* Follow the instructions on the package for cure times and proper ventilation when using the product.

Now that you’ve got your dildo ready to mount, it’s time to decide what you want to mount it to. Fortunately, I made a list of suggestions for you!

1. Your favorite wall!

I’ve done this myself, and with careful removal you shouldn’t damage your wall any more than you would with poster tape so no worries. What about the Velcro though? How do you explain that to your guests? You don’t! A handy little disguise I used was a blank outlet cover. I just attached a small amount of Velcro to the inside of the outlet cover to hide my wall mount when I wasn’t using it. Here’s what a typical blank wall plate looks like:

2. Yoga Ball

Yoga is difficult, but in this case, not so much. It’s basically doing all the work for you, all you need to do is attach a dildo!

This Physio Roll Ball by Gymnic seems particularly useful for our purposes:

3. Gymnastics Tumble Beam

A portable gymnastics tumble beam solves so many height issues when trying to ride your dildo. It’s also discrete, many models fold away, not too pricey and can be used for legitimate exercise.

This beam and mat set by Tumbl Track is a more elaborate option, but you get the idea:

Once you know how easy it is to use Velcro to mount your toys around your home, you’ll be creating new and unique experiences for you and your viewers to enjoy! If you come up with something truly genius or that you’re really proud of, please tweet and share!

Want more info on how to mount YOUR dildos?

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